Gameswipe FTW

Just thought I’d post a quick FYI for all of those gamers that read this blog from time to time.

What I anticipate to be a rather interesting program airs tonight that should contribute to the on-going debate over the health and effect of computer gaming and the treatment of those gamers by society. This particular show should be of most interest to people who like their documentaries with a sarcastically honest edge, as it has been compiled by one Mr Charlie Brooker, he of Screenwipe and more recently Newswipe fame. The televisualation will air tonight at 10pm on BBC4 and will most likely be available via iPlayer soon thereafter.

For those of you who aren’t aware, this also comes as a timely riposte to an ITV “documentary” which went to screen last week. That particular piece of pseudo science, reactionary drivel followed three children over three years, in what was laughably referred to as an “experiment”, to see how these kiddies dealt with videogames in their lives and what affects they might have. Apart from proving that individuals with various social disorders should be wary of the dangers of over indulgence in the electronic arts*, it also displayed the journalistic integrity of a hobo standing an a box reading aloud from an upside down copy of The Daily Star by relating every behavioural problem they could find to avid video gaming. My personal best was 7 minutes continuous viewing, before having to pause again and take deep breathes to assuage my frustration and outright anger at some of the crazy claims and bulls**t statistics used to justify them.

I’d urge everyone to try and watch the above travesty (available here on ITV’s website for a time) in preparation for tonight’s undoubtedly superior observational piece on a phenomenon of our times.

Watch, record or iPlayer Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe or thou shalt be full of lose…

Tags: Charlie Brooker, Daily Star, documentary, gamers, games, Hobo

Epic Lootz Found @ Tesco

So, this will seem a little sad to a few people out there… alright, THE few people out there, but I’ve discovered/invented a new activity. I’m currently referring to it as “Urban Scrumping”, but I’m sure a heard a comedian use that to describe the theft of car stereos and it has thievery connotations I’m not entirely happy with. So, any suggestions for a better name would be gratefully received, please comment away fine sirs.

It all began and finished at Tesco. That lovely five-striped emporium of everything you can imagine and more. I was there to buy 2 pints of milk, but that almost inevitably snowballed into spending 50 minutes perusing stuff I didn’t even know I needed ’til I’d gone in the darn place. Anyway, it was then I made to “check out” and found the person controlled check points full and queued up, but the “scan ya ownes” strangely deserted. Truth be told, I usually avoid these DIY scan-o-ma-jigs for two main reasons:

a) they seem to be a less than subtle way of the supermarket reducing the numbers they employ

b) why should I do for free what they are perfectly willing to pay the sixth-former 5 yards away minimum wage to do??

In this case, however, I was now in a rush, so threw my values to the wind and began to scan. I happened to have chosen one of the machines with an attached conveyer-belt, which came in handy later, but at this stage simply meant my things were piling up rather rapidly about 4 feet away from me.

So, all done and time to pay. Pressing the button on the screen I then scanned my key fob club-o-card and proceeded to pay via chips und pins. At this point I went to grab my receipt, but much to fast for the poor old (new) machine and got hold of the previous customer’s. Looking at it I realised it wasn’t mine, but for some reason I looked closer. Reading down I found a bar code at the bottom which would allow the redemption of the club card points that were earned with that purchase. 33 of said Tescreds in fact. Apparently you can take these to any scanning point and have them added to your account, for cases when you forget your card…

My receipt then emerged, but the damage had been done. As I went to pack my pile of assorted produce I began looking for further slips of paper, and there they were, scattered all around. I can only assume that they fall from the printer onto the conveyer or that people simply throw them aside, as there were quite a number of receipts mixed in with the disposable bags and a good few had sizable rewards.

200 points I came out of there with, and a wonderful sense of victory to boot. Not only did I pick-up what amounts to free money (in the form of points that will eventually become vouchers, but that seems fine) but simultaneously I will be able to stick it to The Man by supplying them with useless marketing information. Let’s be honest, the only reason they give us points is to amass a mountain of data on each of our shopping habits and to then use that against us to sell us more unneeded rubbish. We are, to a large extent, complicit in this whole scam but that doesn’t make it right. So giving them information that I bought toilet roll and tampons then 22 minutes later bought £34 worth of assorted booze followed 10 minutes later by chicken wings and Pop Tarts makes me feel a bit better inside.

Coming back to the point, that is my discovery and purpose in writing. I now plan to “cash in” my receipts steadily, one or two at a time whenever possible. Growing my fortune slowly, let’s not get greedy. I urge you all to seek out such rewards for yourselves, forage in the long grass of the grocery stacks my hunter-gatherer brethren. After-all, you do your own scanning and packing on these things, so you deserve a little extra don’t you?? And keep in mind, though the data trend analysis will be impacted minimally and the rewards to us will be smaller still, every little helps…

Tags: Data, Forage, Free Money, Marketing, Tesco, The Man

HAXXED!

Liek OMG we have been totally hacked, not by some amateur script kiddie either, by a genuine HACKER MASTERMIND!

Any of you visiting the paragon of journalistic integrity that is Stuporcollider, you will have seen this page (don’t worry, I disarmed the IMMENSE amount of malware he had put in the file.) After analysing the advanced methods the nefarious Asshat-Nakedli used to target our site I determined the attack either happened one of two ways. Both are described below:

Scenario 1

1. Asshat-Nakedli uses his amazing powers of disguise to sneak into the Pentgon
2. After charming General Perez with his flattering good looks and grasp of the english language he procures the master encryption key to our server
3. Disguising himself as a premade prawn sandwich, Asshat-Nakedli breaks into the pentagon server room, disarming the auto-turrets with his wrist mounted console
4. Using the master decryption key he decodes the passwd file on the Stuporcollider mainframe and uses quantum DNA algorithms to deduce the admin password
5. He then scrubs all our databases, backups, styles and pictures (except, strangely, those of kittens) and plants a neuronet databomb on the hard disk
6. He then escapes by changing form into a fine mist and is carried outside by an unwitting secretary
7. Neil logs into the mainframe, activating the neuronet databomb and superwipes the disk array, forcing him to spend 5×10^36 hours reassembling the lost data

Scenario 2

1. Some guy from Iraq uses a script kiddie attack on the old version of wordpress I’ve been too lazy to upgrade
2. He changes the index.php of my style to a crappy webpage of his own making
3. I change the file back and have a pint

Either way we’re now running a new version of WordPress. If anything is cocked up it’s obviously due to Asshat-Nakedli’s hacking skill. One can only assume we will see a glut of new attacks from this infamous Iraqi kitten fan.

Seriously dude, Matthew Lillard was more convincing.

Tags: hacked, kittens, script kiddies are rubbish at computers