rant
Resident Evil 5 is Rubbish
Go controversial title, go! You’ll never overstay your welcome and add lacklustre additions to your fine franchise, yet still neglect to bring your core attractions up to date!
Resident Evil 5 outsold No Line on the Horizon (U2′s new crapfest album). Not only did it outsell it over the release weekend, but in two days it sold more than U2′s effort since release. Now, since an album costs less than a tenner, and Resi is the best part of £40 I can see how the figures pan out, but I still can’t figure why it’s selling so well.
Resi has a fine pedigree. For me it was the first scary game I played. Silent Hill came along and knocked the atmospheric survival horror ball out of the park, but Resi was there first. Hammy storyline, awful-yet-inspired dialogue, cack-handed controls and zombie dogs enamoured any who played it. The first sequel was more of the same but sans mansion. Then we had more of the same but with a big persistent bad guy. Then there were some remakes, some light gun games, a prequel and some terrible movies.
The Resident Evil franchise was gradually eating itself. Subsequent games added little in terms of gameplay whilst maintaining the hammy story and sparseness of ammo. Then Capcom blew us all away with Resident Evil 4. Abandoned villages, chainsaws wielding unkillable maniacs, over-the-shoulder viewpoints and a strange man who followed you around just in case you fancied buying some guns. Just about every man and his zombie dog loved it.
Now we have Resident Evil 5. It’s basically Resi 4 in Africa but without the atmosphere and with more of a focus on multiplayer. When you die in Resi 5 you go to a screen here you can buy equipment, you also manage the equipment of your AI partner who both supports and confounds your efforts. Many times Sheva has sprayed green healy herb into my face, whereas she has also managed to get torn apart by a girl with a tentacle for a head and become lacerated by a mounted machine gun.
I guess Resi 5 doesn’t feel like a Resi game to me. Admittedly I’ve not finished it but I had no urge to after being killed by the same crocodile six or seven times. The game is not tense like it’s brethren, it’s more run and gun. Unfortunately the game feels so static. The position of the camera and your inability to move whilst aiming might have added to the dramatic tension if there was any, but it’s sadly missing. Resi 4 somehow maintained a feel of hopelessness, of being in a hostile lien land. Resi 5 fells more like you’re on holiday ad I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because any attempt to get into the feel of the game is destroyed by the little concessions made to the co-op.
I just didn’t like Resi 5. There are better action games and better horror games. If this game didn’t bear the Resident Evil name would it have sold? I don’t think so. There have been big advances in video games since the seminal Resi 4, but Capcom seems to have ignored them. We were hoping for the same kind of revolution 4 provided, instead this feels more like a mission pack rather than a valid new addition to the core games.
Rant ends!
Evolution, schmevolution…
Case in point...
Run now monkey men!!! Go hide behind your bearded idols, your simple tools at the ready, to remove those who dare to disagree from your delusional primate chain. I am here with disturbing thoughts and beliefs your “science” can not resolve. Your highest atheistas have failed, prepare to be exposed to ideas your simian minds can not hope to adequately resolve…
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life (and, by all accounts that might be stretching me slightly) it’s that truth is in the eye of the beholder and evidence is the ass of a penguin. By that I mean; people believe what they want (yes, even atheism is a belief structure ladies) and you can easily pretend something isn’t there just because you can’t see it.
So, to all you latent-agnostic banana apologists out there; What about this blushing thing??
Yeah, that’s right, explain to me (and the rest of the befuddle scientific community while you’re at it) how the simple act of becoming red-faced at one’s embarrassment fits into the whole natural selection scheme of things…
With the 200th anniversary of the Anti-Christ Darwin’s birth looming large on the horizon, New Scientist (in an unusual act of objective examination) decided to ask luminaries from around the globe to express their thoughts on what gaps there still are in evolutionary theory. Richard “I-can’t-believe-it’s-completely-immaculate” Dawkins surprised everyone by taking up the mantle of Lord Inquisitor and asking his usual roll of meaningless questions. Frans de Waal however posited the much more succinct “Why do humans blush?”
Apparently, after 2 centuries of perverting our best minds and devouring more research monies than Black Mesa, evolutionary science has failed to explain this phenomenon in it’s own terms. There is no advantage to having this involuntary ability in any respect, in fact it can be said quite assuredly that it is a huge disadvantage (in both society and the natural world) and should have been routed out long ago if there is even the smallest grain of truth in “The Evolutionary Superstition” TM.
Now, I’m really sorry to rain on your vegan-hippy-carbonoffset-treehugging-love-renewable-Xmas parade, or whatever other pseudo religious humanist back-slap-athon you were all planning to mark the day your heathenistic confuser was laid into the world he tried so hard to subvert, but if you can’t tell me why I go red when I’m caught looking at some pretty girls A.R.T. then I ain’t buying your wares and I may even go to the extent of shooting the horse you rode in on just so you don’t try and peddle your sub-standard dross to any unassuming saps you might be find elsewhere…
Sports Iterated
The phenomenon of sports games and their complete abuse of and by a numbering system has become something of a pet-peeve of mine. By early October last year I could play FIFA, Madden, NBA, NHL and Tiger Woods ’09.
The Original and Best
Other than being in the wrong year and having the latest stats, these games always include one new “feature” to utilise during the simulation of your chosen sport. However, this much vaunted ability usually turns out to be both useless and unnecessary. Being a loyal sports fan and playing each franchise annually, I’ve now come to the conclusion that every sports game developer feels the requirement to release one game a year simply due to the numbering system they adopted in the 90s.
How crazy is that??
Our unstoppable rotation around The Sun has lead to useless such additions as “Game Face”, which allows you to put your very face onto a simulated competitor, and ones that essentially break the game such as “Tiger Vision”, which does not fill the screen with honey and bears but tells you exactly where to aim to get any putt in (apart from when it tells you wrong and you throw your controller at the wall in disgust).
The stand out difference from these WAS Pro-Evolution Soccer, which usually went through one normal version (Super Star Soccer X) then its Pro-Evo sequel (basically the same game but with another year’s polish) which would then be followed by a real sequel with N proceeding it (where N=X+1). This was fine, as there was no game without a significant update of the play system. However, this is sadly no longer the case, as Konami have begun to licence player names from individual teams and will soon be using real player names and stats as they acquire the rights.
I can understand a complete update being done for a new system, such as the move from X-Box to 360. Yes, a entirely new engine is needed to make the players look their best for my next thrashing of Arsenal, so I don’t mind paying out £45 for the pleasure of seeing Ledley King’s shiny head in lovely high res. textures for my HDTV. I do mind paying the same amount for the same game but with updated data and the ability control two players simultaneously, so I can make runs, bolted on… honestly, did anyone ever use that??
…apart from my good friend Dave “12 fingers” Chameleon of course…
I’m hoping this situation will end in the near future as developers realise that they can update the stats (which is the only thing customers really want) by use of the internet and micro payments. EA seem to have started down the road this year with their Live Season player update system (you even get one division updated free for a year with FIFA (just like a crack dealer…)) but I still expect FIFA 2010 to arrive in my local independent games retailer by the end of September.
I can understand that they do this so they can make more money out of us all, as we will buy these games simply for the new data sets, irrespective of new game play elements, but why hide behind this feature smoke screen?
It’s so annoying having to learn the slightly altered game mechanics every single time, plus having the yearly brain spurt from the work experience kid thrown in. Surely coming up with a new feature, implementing it and making other arbitrary changes to the game is less economically beneficial than updating the player information throughout a two or three year period and charging us a reasonable fee for this service…
The Darkest Of Liquids
Blackwater… Now anyone who’s heard of this company before has probably backed off a couple of feet from their screen already. They’re the kind of people that, once encountered, you remember with some trepidation. They’re what the US Government refers to as a “contractor”, but are basically guns for hire, and have no small amount of controversy attached to them.
Artists Impression
I myself had heard of these guys a while back. As I read much in the way of geopolitical news, there was this little spat going on in Mesopotamia a few years ago and Blackwater took on several contracts in the wake of said conflict. The reason they were brought to my attention again was that, usually some might say, a group of their more enthusiastic workers are being brought to book for going above and beyond their customers expectations when dealing with a crowd of people who happened to be in a square they were going through.
After reading the news article I realised I had the interwebs close at hand and, therefore, looking at their company website might prove interesting, informative or even reassuring… perhaps they aren’t as dark as the liquid they’re currently employed to protect… sorry, I mean as evil as the previous regime of the country who’s rebirth into freedom and liberty they are currently being employed to support…
Ok, so the vague mandate these types of contractors seem to operate under makes me feel quite uneasy and the things they do with the power they have does nothing to dissuade me from this opinion. So please understand me rightly when I say this was nothing compared to how overwhelmingly disturbed I found myself after reading through their website.
After reading the first page I began to wonder if I had the correct website at all, the description of what they do and how they do it could adorn the title page of any service industry website I care to mention. As I progressed deeper into the bowels of their web presence I became more scared of the complete ambiguity that pervades the text than anything actually stated. It feels a bit like seeing something menacing in the darkness, then shining your touch there and it’s gone… You know you saw something but where’s it gone now??
Personal lowlights for me were all from the Pro Shop area:
- The inspirational posters (“Blackwater Determination” being illustrated with an oil rig, wonder what they’re getting at there, and “EOE Baghdad 911” with what looks like their equivalent of the Bat-call spotlight).
- An instructional DVD called “Basic Pistol Training” (can’t help thinking that, if it had Arabic writing on, it would surely get you arrested and imprisoned without charge).
- The very worst must be in the Clearance section, where you can buy Blackwater branded “Christmas Onesies” for your baby (age ranges from 3 to 24 months).
As there are far too many “highlights” for me to comfortably cover in this post, I invite you to visit their site and sample this rather unsettling experience for yourselves…
Needless Bureaucracy FTL (of live music)
Save our live music
Ordinarily I don’t concern myself with the goings on in London, there’s a mutual understanding there; they have no idea who I am, and I think they’re all insufferable gobshites. However, occasionally things start in London and go on to affect other places, which is why we need to nip this one in the bud.
I’m referring to form 696, or as I like to call it, the harbinger of death to live music.
Form 696 already applies in 21 London boroughs, and requires licencees to submit 8 pages of information on live music performers, including names, addresses, phone numbers and the ethnicity of it’s potential audience. Failure to comply will result in a fine and possible loss of licence.
The metropolitan police have stated that this is in response to incidents involving guns in 2006 and is designed to provide safety at the venues and pinpoint troublemakers, but almost instantly makes open mic nights impossible, and creates serious problems for small venues. I’m not a musician, but I would question why my privacy was at risk for performing live music, and a detterent such as this hardly encourages our musicians, which are sadly one of our few remaining exports.
Feargal Sharkey, of The Undertones fame is campaigning, as the head of UK Music, against form 696 and a petition has been started that I urge you all to sign. Furthermore there are fears this information allows the police to focus on music enjoyed by black and asian young people since the type of music and the likely audience needs to be disclosed. Mr Sharkey had this to say:
“In explicitly singling out performances and musical styles favoured by the black community we believe the use of Risk Assessment Form 696 is disproportionate, unacceptable and damaging to live music.”
VATs
No, I’m not talking about the strange but effective pause-time first person combat system of Fallout 3 fame but the other and very much more boring kind. (Although I wouldn’t put it past Les Government to coerce Microsoft into using their Gamer Live system to subtract 17.5% of my Action Points, for them to put to use in another one of their completely legal and not-at-all hypercritical wars…)
Any who, by now (yes, just one paragraph in) you can already tell that my other articles haven’t been going so well and, in an effort not to be dispelled from the collective for posting too infrequently, I have fallen back to my ranting roots. Please also find enclosed a very special analogy expanded beyond comparability by yours truly…
So, VAT it is (that’s Value Added Tax for all of those dyslexics that have stumbled upon this site whilst looking for superior methods of vegetable drainage). Every type of financial data seems to be in the news at the moment and today was no different, as the Government rolled out VAT to take a kicking. Alistair Darling, our most amusingly named Chancellor (yes I too have Blackadder like visions of Gordan Brown shouting “Darling, Darling, what are you doing Darling??”), has decided to tinker with this little blighter now. Oh goody, I hear you collectively sigh, that’ll do the trick…
The analogy I heard involved the good ship Britannia having hit an iceberg and The Treasury were simply rearranging the deck chairs on board instead of solving the problem at hand. This, I feel, gives them too much credit, so I take it upon myself to embellish the story for greater accuracy and my own bloody enjoyment (after all we are British and, as such, enjoy kicking ourselves in the gut at every opportunity).
What do you mean bailout?? We're watertight thank you very much...
T’is certainly true, we have hit an iceberg of monetary problem here. However, we all stood on the bow and watched this problem approach, shouting at the captain to reach ramming speed before impact. Now we’ve hit that little Credit Crunch we’ve discovered it was just the tip of a very deep, very dark and extremely cold recession.
What-ho, the Powers That Be spring into action, but instead of pointlessly rearranging the deckchairs they begin to handout caviar and champagne to the idiots that reassured us it wasn’t such a big chunk of icy rock and stoked the furnaces to prove it. Even worse, they’re now ushered into the lifeboats and bid good voyage…
Now it’s time for the deckchairs, but instead of simply moving them around our higher-ups decide to pile them in the middle of the deck, pour flammable liquor across them and set them alight. Never considering for second that it would only result in giving us a choice between immolation and the slow sink into the freezing depths beneath, but at least we’ll have warm feeling inside and something pretty to lookout as we meet our self-inflicted demise.
Oh, and I almost forgot, there’s those poor souls that have already fallen over the side into the murky ice filled waters and are struggling for air as we speak. Why I’m sure our erstwhile commanders have a solution for them too, and here it is. Allow them to present the ping-pong ball measures. That’s right, enough of these little blighters can raise a ship (They saw it on MythBusters once) so if we throw just the right amount at these unfortunate bastards they should be able to cling on to them and rescue themselves…
Hurrah!!! Oh the humanity!!!! Etc…
It’s at times such as these I like to remind myself that all this financial shenanigans is completely made-up, an artificial mechanic we’ve been bred to believe in. Ho-hum, what’s on the other channel?? Zombie-Celebrity-Knife crime?? Brilliant…
2nd Hand Games [Waffle-o-tron]
Recently HMV announced that it was to start accepting used games as store credit against any of the items in in the shop, and if you wade throught the extended marketdrone-speak in the MCV article you’ll notice a stunning and somewhat amazing thing; they talk about reselling games in their fancy new oh-so-achingly modern stores but they ever once use the words ‘second hand’ or ‘used’.
As a society I think we’ve become used to doublespeak and the depredations of marketing predators, but are we so vain that we have to revert shady words like ‘pre-owned’ to justify ourselves? Pretty much everyone I know never refers to games as anything except ‘pre-owned’ in this context, myself included. Despite the glaring semantic problem that the phrase pre-owned evokes, it just seems dishonest.
But ’tis not just us proles! The whole damn videogaming establishment is up to it, even in an article complaining about them Mr. David Braben himself shows that he is infected with this terrible meme. Mr. Braben’s abject hatred for us consumers has been well documented in his insistance on forcing the great satan of Lenslok upon us poor Spectrum owners, so maybe he is part of this terrible conspircy to protect us from feeling like a herd of filthy unwashed cockerneys buying our soiled chimneysweep jackets from stalls on Portobello Road.
Back to the point! HMV is staring to sell second hand games and Mr. David Braben thinks this is bad because it stuffs up sales figures. Maybe that’s true, but I have learned one thing in my years of gaming; nobody buys the good games anyway, see Beyond Good and Evil, Psychonauts, Terra Nova and Limbo of the Lost.
Maybe not that last one.
“Stop, stop! He’s already dead!”
Better Days.
Apologies to all those ralph-fans out there(only lying to myself), I missed my post yesterday, to be honest I was a bit stuck for something to write, then I read a couple of things from which I found inspiration. The first was an article on the escapist regarding games fanatasism, with particular focus on a certain spikey, blue mammal. The second was Neil’s piece which linked to one particular fictional gem</lie> which excellently highlights the point I’m about to make.
Starting with an admission. I am a Sonic the Hedgehog fan. Since christmas 1991when my buddy Craig brought round his imported Japanese Mega Drive, I was hooked on the adventures of the speedy, blue one. It was a whole year before I received my own Mega Drive along with both Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic 2, still the best Christmas gift I’ve ever received, If someone gave me the gift of world peace and an end to all war, it would still slot in at no. 2 behind that Mega Drive.
Sonic was a departure from every other game I’d played up to that Christmas, about the most visually impressive game I’d played up to this point had been in an arcade, something like maybe wonderboy, or possibly the TMNT arcade game. I’d never considered recreating this at home possible, not on my Spectrum anyway which offered impressive art if you didn’t mind it monochrome, and with little or no sound. Sonic completely blew everything before it out of the water, Green Hill Zone Act 1is in my opinion the best designed level for any game on any system, and a perfect showcase for what sonic games should be all about, speed. Playing Sonic on Xbox live acade my best run through time for act 1 is 29 seconds, I’m pretty sure that when I was a kid I hit 27, but that might be youthful exuberance (or out and out lying). That doesn’t mean though that you had to complete the first level quickly, If you meander through the level it’s no less rewarding but with so much speed to hand it seems like a shame not to use it.
Later games went on to add further characters from the good ((though confusing) Knuckles the Echidna, Miles”Tails” Prower, Amy Rose(sometimes)), the bad (Charmy Bee, Shadow the Hedgehog, Silver the Hedgehog, Big the Cat, Cream the Rabbit (Oh god it’s like yiffy paedophilia!)) and the Ugly (Big the Cat, again).
Right that’s the potted history out the way, what was I saying? I love the whole Sonic franchise, unfortunately only in the same way that I love the whole Star Wars franchise, or the whole Indiana Jones franchise, that is after the first three entries I zone out and pretend that nothing else happened. Deep down there’s a small, grey sinkhole in my heart where I bury all the bad things that happen to a franchise that meant something to me as a child, every time George Lucas sticks his dick into my childhood (thank you South Park) I just bury it away and pretend it never happened. The same is true of Sonic team, following Sonic & Knuckles (the last of the 2D series on the megadrive) came Sonic 3D, it wasn’t fast paced and the concept of roaming an isometric 3D plain looking for birdies was like playing a re-skinned version of Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters, only more disapointing what with the original being about ten years old by this point.
Sega, realising their mistake at setting Sonic in a 3D environment, went on to completely ignore it, with all of the main cannon games being made in 3D, and all but Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast receiving anything other than a critical mauling. Meanwhile on the GBA and DS all of Sonic’s continued adventures in two dimensions have been praised by both fans and critics alike.
Mind you do I really expect anyone to take note of criticism, when the BTOC’s in town? No of course not, the fact of the matter is that despite well deserved criticism Sonic the Hedgehog is not just a mascot for Sega anymore, but a mascot for the industry, Sonic is not only recognised by gamers but by people on the outside, particularly parents, grown up gamers who remember Sonic from before but no longer pay attention to the industry. It’s this sense of a “safe bet” which has given Sonic a critic proof sales dynamic.
Apologies to the artist but I couldn't bring myself to use something truly derogatory, I quite liked this.
That and (Welcome to the dark places) Sonic fans that didn’t abandon the blue one when it was a sensible time to jump ship. I’ve never understood the concept of fanboyism, of the Otaku, of the fanatic until I saw Sonic the Hedgehog fans. If Sega’sefforts to force me away from the series hadn’t worked then the fans themselves just might. Not that I’m critical of all fans, I’ve already said that despite Sega’s best efforts, I’m still a fan, thing is though as a fan, I’ve never really considered it necessary to produce badly spelt yiffy porn. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never revved up a Sonic game and thought “Y’know, this is good, but imagine if Sonic was taking Amy Rose roughly from behind while Tails tickles his balls.” I just… seriously I’m lost for words. I know for a fact that I don’t have to look very hard online to find hundreds of grotty fan-fictions of this very scene. They’ve even got celebrity endorsement of a fashion thanks to Excel Saga creator Rikdo Koshi, who has in the past produced Sonic dojin. This being Rikdo though I’d like to think that there was some reasoning behind his art, even if it was just one of the BTOC’s stop offs.
Funny 'cos it's true
I found this handy venn diagram on google images and I can’t help but think that this isn’t something only I’ve noticed, the internet’s saturated with it, possibly more-so than any other franchise (with the possible exception of Final Fantasy, though the quality of FF games has remained high, almost inspite of the garaunteed sales and obsessive fans)
I stated in my title he’s already dead, and I can’t help but think that in my mind Sonic is just that, I still remember the good times, I’ve got the original Sonic game on Live Arcade, and I’ll continue to enjoy it, will I ever buy a new Sonic the Hedgehog game? no probably not, I can’t help but feel that Sega has long since rendered the franchise, and to that end Sonic himself dead to me. It’s just sad that that hasn’t stopped others who proclaim to love him from repeatedly raping his spikey, blue, attitude filled, corpse.
Can It!!!
It really makes sense, ‘cause that’s the name of my new campaign to try and get rid of canned laughter. [Laughter] You get it?? [Ado stares cheekily at the camera and pauses] [Laughter].
You see how annoying that was?? You do, don’t you?? Well if not, stop reading now and put one of your Everyone Loves Raymond DVDs on, cause this certainly isn’t the place you ought to be.
Ever since I started to develop my own taste in all things comedic, I’ve had this ever increasing pain in my head whenever I hear laughter over a TV show. Honestly, by this point it’s so raw I almost cringe when I hear it, especially over a lame line or something that’s just not a joke at all. Honestly, it’s like someone plunging a fork into my happy sack (not an innuendo), it drains all the joy out of me and I just want to turn off the TV.
I feel both insulted and enraged that the producer doesn’t assume I have the intelligence to laugh at the correct point in their show. Even shows that employ the “Live Studio Audience” device get on my nerves too… I mean has no-one heard of the Fourth Wall?? Is comedy somehow exempt?? Ok, in stand-up or panel shows I can accept this are forums that involve an audience’s presence, but not in a sitcom as it destorys the situation that I am led to believe the comedy is taking place in. Argh!!!
There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and this rule is no exception…
I said good day sir!!!
I still watch the likes of Alan Partridge, Blackadder, Red Dwarf and How I Met Your Mother (that’s in descending order :o) and love them to bits. I think this is because these are so exceptionally good that they completely overshadow the pain, like having a headache and then being shot in the knees, your attention is drawn away. However, I can’t help thinking how much better these shows would be without said humour response prompt. Much, much, much better I’d wager.
Realistically speaking (damn it) laughter tracks are needed, as some shows/actors are not funny and some people are idiotic enough that they need to be told when to laugh, therefore my proposal is thus:
I would like to be given the option to turn off the laughter track on, at the very least, any DVDs but, ideally, the actual broadcasts too.
DVD-wise, I feel this is perfectly possible with today’s technology and would be of minimal extra cost to any producer. The laugher track is added onto the soundtrack of a show in post production, so it could easily be treated like a commentary on a DVD.
Broadcast-wise, this may be a little more complicated, but would still entail very little cost at all. I have watched sports events where I was invited to press a button and change the commentary from regular TV, to Radio, to the ambient stadium sound, so why not this??
Is anyone with me on this, or am I out there on my own?? I really would like to know and, if this is something we’re interested in, I’ll start the angry mob process presently.
Trailer Trash
Firstly, congratulations to Barack Obama, you carry not just the hopes of your own nation, but those of the entire free world. Good luck sir. Now, back to geekery.
I’ve long since learned to get over the fact that as a video-game fan Hollywood hates me and everything I hold in esteem. If not then why would they continue to give Paul WS Anderson and Uwe Boll money?
Not only does the film industry apparently hate video games, turns out they’re also pretty antsey about anime as well. After months of letting myself get over excited this weekend I finally saw the trailer for the Hollywood remake of Dragonball.
In case you’ve been living on Namek for the last twenty-five years or so Dragonball is a manga series written and drawn by living legend Akira Toriyama. It followed the adventures of alien martial-artist Goku and his friends and was inspired in part by the Chinese folk tale Journey to the West. The narrative covers a period of around thirty years, a total of 519 chapters over 42 volumes. Toei animation translated Toriyama’s works into two successful anime series. Dragonball and Dragonball Z originally broadcast on Fuji television from 1986 to 1996. A third series Dragonball GT continued Goku’s adventures, but was not based on the original manga, and ran for only 64 episodes.
The Hollywood rework of Dragonball doesn’t seem all that bad on paper. Kung-fu Hustle’s Stephen Chow is producing, director James Wong is best known for his work on the Final Destination movies, so a strange choice to direct what is essentially a children’s movie, but I am a fan of FD so I’m willing to give benefit of the doubt. The cast includes one of my favourite TV actors James Marsters as the film’s antagonist Lord Piccolo, and Chow Yun Fat as Sensei Roshi. The rest of the cast is less inspiring though with Justin Chatwin (Tom Cruise’s whiney runt son in Speilberg’s Car-crash remake of War of the Worlds) in the lead as Goku.
After watching the trailer, I’m starting to worry just a little that this isn’t going to be the movie that the franchise deserves, the trailer involves scenes set if not in, then at least outside an American high school, this seems a little out of sync with the world in which the series is based. The trailer involves scenes featuring Piccolo in which I can’t help but notice that he isn’t green, despite claims that the character would look similar to how he appeared in the anime, in a similar pallette error Emmy Rossum’s portrayal of Bulma Briefs is sorely lacking the original’s blue hair.
Finally and this is where i earn the “Rant” tag, WHERE THE FUCK IS KRILLIN? I read somewhere that some of the more cartoon-esque characters wouldn’t appear in the movie, that’s fine, I can understand why an anthropomorphic pig, or a talking cat might get the chop but Krillin is Goku’s best friend in both the manga and the Anime. Former bandit-king Yamcha is the only one of the Z-fighters set to make an appearance in the movie. The film adds further characters to Goku’s circle of friends which didn’t appear in the manga, and I find it hard to accept that one of these characters couldn’t be Krillin, this is a reimagining of Dragonball, so Krillin doesn’t have to be a short, bald, buddhist monk, but a character portraying several of Krillin’s character traits would have been a kindness to fans of the series.
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